Hansel and Greta Save the World
A pantomime by Ragnhild Ljosland, Michael Bell & Orkney
Children’s Theatre Club
2019
Many thanks to our friend Raggie (and company) for allowing us to share their delightful and original panto, inspired by Orkney and Nordic folklore, fairy tales, climate change and politics!
Cast:
Greta
Hansel
Reporter
Pupils
Gingerbread Witch
Bee and Bees
Rump Troll
Toris Troll
Waves and Boat
Deep Voice
Cinderella
Sleeping Beauty
Jasmin
Princesses
Dame Ralph Lauren
Fairy Godmother
Scene 1: School strike!
(We see children/teens with placards, bearing slogans such as «School strike for climate» And
«#FridaysForFuture» «Change the system, not the climate» and «There is no planet B». Greta at the front)
SONG; «We don’t need no education» by Pink Floyd (altered words)
GRETA AND PUPILS:
We don’t need no education
We don’t need no thought control
No empty words from politicians
While greenhouse gas destroys our home Hey, grown-ups, leave our Earth alone!
All in all, we want a future, and that is all. All in all, we need a future, and that is all.
(Dialogue while music continues underneath)
REPORTER:
And we are now in directly from the school strike for climate – A movement which has grown to global dimensions.
And Greta, you are the person behind it. Why are you doing this? Is education not important?
GRETA:
Not when our planet is being destroyed by selfish grown-ups! In 2050, you’re dead, but we’re not and we have to live in this mess – if we can!!
REPORTER:
Dear, dear- We’re only talking about 4 degrees. Might bring us some summer here in Orkney, too! Wouldn’t that be nice?
GRETA:
Nice?? There won’t be any islands to live on! You can say farewell to Stromness! And Kirkwall! We’ll all be sitting on the Hills of Hoy – or a gargantuan island of plastic drifting aimlessly around!
PUPILS (sing):
Hey! Grown-ups! Leave our Earth alone! All in all, we want a future, and that is all.
All in all, we need a future, and that is all.
HANSEL (comes in late):
Greta! I’m here!
GRETA:
Hansel! Where have you been?!
HANSEL:
Couldn’t get away from home economics … We were making gingerbread … You know the teacher is a witch!
GRETA:
This is more important than gingerbread!
HANSEL (to the audience):
If you see her, boo!
GRETA:
Come on now! Placard! Sing!
HANSEL:
Yes, sister …
HANSEL, GRETA and PUPILS:
We don’t need carbon emissions
We don’t need to waste and spend
Luxuries and empty pleasures
Destruction that the Earth can’t mend
Hey, grown-ups, leave our Earth alone!
All in all, we want a future, and that is all.
All in all, we need a future, and that is all.
(Music ends)
(A giant RUMBLE!) (PUPILS scream and run)
HANSEL:
What was that?
REPORTER:
An unexpected development here! The Earth shook!
GRETA:
Hansel!
(GRETA grabs HANSEL’s hand and they run for cover)
Scene 2: Gingerbread witch (front of tabs)
(The Gingerbread Witch has ginger hair and looks like a wild Vivienne Westwood. Her costume may include a t-shirt with the statement «This woman was once a punk»)
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
Hahahaha! Yes, run for cover, peedie Hansel and Greta! You will not be safe for long – when I lead the world to destruction!!!!
AUDIENCE:
Booooo!
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
Are you booing me? Heh heh. You’re booing now, but you loooove me, really!
AUDIENCE:
Boooo!
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
Yes, you loooove me! You just don’t realise it’s me that you love! Hahahaha! Me – the Gingerbread- Witch of the West-Wood!!!
AUDIENCE:
Booo!
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
Do you want to know what that ginormous rumble was all about? Yes? Hah, as if I would tell you. You can figure it out for yourselves! But something big is afoot, I can tell you that. Something big and dark! Hahahaha!
AUDIENCE:
Boooo!
GINGERBREAD WITCH: (Points to audience)
Ah, quit that booing. You’re all in my power already. You just don’t know it! Let me show you. Abracadabra, open Sesame!
Scene 3: Princess fashion
(Tabs open to reveal a catwalk changing room, where a number of Disney princesses are busy applying make-up and having their hair done. CINDERELLA, BELLE, AURORA, SNOW WHITE, JASMINE. Depending on the number of actors, princesses can be added or cut. Cinderella is taking selfies of her shoes on an iPad. Gingerbread Witch looks in on the scene and mimes silently along.)
CINDERELLA:
The blog post I wrote about my new shoes got ten thousand likes!
(Hums dreamily) I’m gonna rewrite the stars …
SNOW WHITE:
That’s nothing! My blog about fruit based sleep therapy got twenty thousand!
CINDERELLA:
You just wait til I marry the prince! When I reveal who’s designing my wedding dress, the entire
bloggosphere will go crazy!
JASMINE:
Shut up, you two! We’re on the catwalk in five minutes!
CINDERELLA:
(Sings dreamily) I look so beautiful in white … tonight.
(This is a snippet from Beautiful in White by Westlife)
(GINGERBREAD WITCH enters)
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
Girlies, girlies, girlies.
SNOW WHITE:
Madam Gingerbread Witch of the West-Wood!
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
Too right I am. Now, how is that foundation cream I recommended for you, Snow White? Don’t want the comment field calling you Dirt Mud again …
SNOW WHITE:
I use it every day, Mylady
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
And you, Cinderella! Don’t get complacent just because you’re about to marry the prince! That Meghan Markle has had far too much attention in the media lately. She might be dangerous competition!
CINDERELLA:
I need more shoes. I’ve only had twelve new pairs this week.
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
That’s my girl! Of course you need new shoes. And a new iPad to blog about them. And … and new outfits to go with the shoes, of course. Can’t let you be seen in something you’ve worn before! What would people think! And what would they write! No, no. You shall have everything. Everything. What have I always said? The world is not enough … What you want is …:
CINDERELLA, GINGERBREAD WITCH, SNOW WHITE and JASMIN sing:
(Music: I want it all, by Queen)
I want it all
I want it all I want it all
And I want it now!
Listen all you people, come gather round
I gotta get me a game plan, gotta shake you to the ground But just give me, huh, what I know is mine
People do you hear me, just gimme the sign It ain't much I'm asking, if you want the truth Here's to the future for the dreams of youth
I want it all I want it all I want it all
And I want it now!
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
Hahahaha!
AUDIENCE:
Booo!
DAME:
(Off stage) Yoo-hoo!
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
Oh, f…iddle. It’s her. Him. Her. Uh, I don’t know what to say.
DAME:
Coming throuuuughhh!
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
Ralph one day, Lauren the next.
DAME (enters stage):
Yoo-hoo, my gorgeous princesses! It’s time for the cat-walk! Got your eyelashes on? Chop, chop!
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
Time for me to go and see to the other parts of my evil empire
AUDIENCE:
Boooo!
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
Oh shut up! As if you don’t also want it all!
Scene 4: The Stoorworm
(Back to Hansel and Greta, in hiding. Reporter is reporting, not hiding)
REPORTER:
We now have some more info on the sudden earthquake that shook the northern hemisphere earlier this morning. It appears to be linked to a phenomenon known as Ragnarok, whereby the Earth is to be flooded in water and scorched in fire. We have not so far been able to verify these details. Meanwhile, millions of people worldwide are fleeing to the hills. Nosey Parker, BBC News.
(REPORTER exits)
HANSEL:
Ragnarok – What is that?
GRETA:
Don’t know, but the bit about fire and water doesn’t sound good …
HANSEL:
Google it
GRETA:
Sounds like an old mythological description of climate change. Listen to this: «Ragnarok in Viking mythology was the end of the world. It was said to begin when the great sea serpent that lay around the edge of the ocean let go of its tail and started thrashing about, kicking up storm surges and floods and making the weather crazy.»
HANSEL:
The great sea serpent … Where have I heard that before …?
GRETA:
Think, Hansel!
HANSEL:
Argh, I can’t remember! I wish granny or someone was here to tell me the story again!!
(Music: «Magic» sound)
FAIRY GODMOTHER:
You called?
HANSEL and GRETA:
Fairy Godmother!
FAIRY GODMOTHER:
What can I do for you, Hansel?
HANSEL:
(To audience) Why is it always like this in pantomimes? When you’re stuck, your fairy godmother materialises to help you out! How will I ever learn to rely on myself?
(To Fairy Godmother) I need to know that story about the dragon in the sea.
FAIRY GODMOTHER:
The Stoorworm? That’s a very old story. Very well. You know that the Vikings thought there was a serpent called Midgardsorm, which lay around the edge of the ocean, biting its own tail? As long as it stayed there, all was well. But the world was never meant to be forever. One day Midgardsorm would let go, and bring the beginning of the end, the beginning of Ragnarok.
HANSEL:
Is that what’s happening now?
FAIRY GODMOTHER:
Patient now, Hansel. Listen to the story. The Orcadians called it the Stoorworm: the Great Serpent. It was very big and needed a lot of food – its favourite food was …
HANSEL:
I remember!
(Pulls curtain partially aside to princess scene)
(Grabs Cinderella by the arm and attempts to pull her out of her scene and into his own space) Princesses!
CINDERELLA:
Not me, you idiot!!!
FAIRY GODMOTHER:
Most of all, it wanted to eat Princess Gem-De-Lovely!
CINDERELLA:
Yes, take her!
FAIRY GODMOTHER:
One by one, the princesses went down the serpent’s throat!
(Cinderella gets «sucked» back through the curtain)
CINDERELLA:
Waaaaahhhh!
(She accidentally drops the iPad as she goes)
FAIRY GODMOTHER:
When the king heard his daughter was next, he sent out a message far and wide for someone to come and deal with the problem.
GRETA:
Yes, that’s called outsourcing. Did he put it out to tender?
FAIRY GODMOTHER:
I guess you could say that. Anyway, the job went to this lad called Assipattle.
(GRETA assumes the role of ASSIPATTLE.)
HANSEL:
Hey! I wanted to be Assipattle!
GRETA:
But you know that in pantos the young hero is always played by a girl!
HANSEL:
Grumble
FAIRY GODMOTHER:
She’s right.
Assipattle took his sword, Sickersnapper
(GRETA/ASSIPATTLE looks around for something that can be the sword. Picks up the placard.)
FAIRY GODMOTHER:
And a piece of peat
HANSEL:
Peat?
(GRETA/ASSIPATTLE looks for something to use as peat, finds Cinderella’s iPad)
HANSEL:
Careful with that, Greta. The lithium batteries can go on fire.
GRETA:
Shush!
FAIRY GODMOTHER:
In a tiny boat, Assipattle rowed to the edge of the world.
(Actors come in as WAVES and BOAT to carry GRETA along.)
(Music starts)
Excerpt from 1st Atheist Hymn by Kate Fletcher
Of river, rain and tide
Of river, rain and tide
Of river, rain and tide the Earth is made
River, river, rain and tide
I am river You are river
We are rain and tide
Of being, blood and bone
Of being, blood and bone
Of being, blood and bone the Earth is made
Being, being, blood and bone
I am being, you are being, we are blood and bone
FAIRY GODMOTHER (speaks):
And there, he felt it before he saw it …
(HANSEL gets ready to manouvre the STOORWORM shadow)
GRETA, WAVES and BOAT sing the Stoorworm Song (by Michael Bell):
Deep
Deep
Shake the Earth
Stir the waves
Tremble
Deep
Deep
Ocean dark
Moon and stars
Tremble
Stirs the dragon, deep
Twists, no more asleep
Needs to wake and eat
Tremble
(Instrumental music)
(HANSEL in charge of steering silhouette of STOORWORM’s head, suddenly visible as shadow)
(Dramatic music as boat with GRETA/ASSIPATTLE is sucked closer to the STOORWORM’s mouth and
goes in!)
GRETA/ASSIPATTLE:
Aaaaah!!!!
(Music stops abruptly)
(Lights go off.)
(WAVES exit in blackout. BOAT lie on floor, not moving)
(In the dragon’s tummy)
GRETA/ASSIPATTLE:
Ummm, what do I do now? Lucky I have this iPad, so I can see.
(GRETA/ASSIPATTLE uses iPad as light source.)
FAIRY GODMOTHER:
Peat.
GRETA/ASSIPATTLE:
What?
FAIRY GOODMOTHER:
Lucky you have the peat.
GRETA/ASSIPATTLE:
Oh yes, that’s right. Lucky I can «light» my «peat».
(Music starts: «Hall of the Mountain King» or similar, starts quietly and gradually gets very dramatic. Michael you may compose if you want to and have time. Or re-use something you have already made)
(GRETA/ASSIPATTLE is thrown slightly off balance when the dragon moves)
GRETA/ASSIPATTLE:
Whoa
HANSEL (pops his head out from behind the shadow screen, speaks to the audience): At this point, Assipattle noticed his iPad was starting to get hot
GRETA/ASSIPATTLE:
Peat!
HANSEL:
Sorry, peat. I told you those lithium batteries aren’t safe.
(GRETA/ASSIPATTLE stuggles to hold on to the iPad as it gets hotter. Drops it. Smoke machine)
GRETA/ASSIPATTLE:
Wah! Uh-oh!
(Music grows more dramatic) (Rumble as the dragon moves again)
HANSEL:
The Stoorworm’s not liking this smoke!
HANSEL/STOORWORM/EVERYONE (sneeze):
A-a-a-a-a-a
(Music gets more dramatic still)
GRETA/ASSIPATTLE:
Oh no! Hold on to the boat!
(BOAT re-assembles, GRETA/ASSIPATTLE holds on)
HANSEL/STOORWORM/EVERYONE (sneeze):
A-a-a-a-a-a
(WAVES are drawn into the picture again)
(Music reaches crescendo)
HANSEL/STOORWORM/EVERYONE (sneeze):
…tchooooo!!!!!!!!!
(BOAT, GRETA/ASSIPATTLE, WAVES are propelled out of dragon’s stomach)
(Lights on)
GRETA/ASSIPATTLE:
Whew, that was a close call
HANSEL/STOORWORM/EVERYONE (sneeze):
Ah ah aaaa
GRETA/ASSIPATTLE:
Oh no, here it goes again Row!
HANSEL/STOORWORM/EVERYONE (sneeze):
…. Tschooo! Atcho! Atcho!
(GRETA/ASSIPATTLE at safe distance now)
FAIRY GODMOTHER:
As the Stoorworm sneezed and thrashed about, he banged his head on the surface of the water and his teeth came out
(Music)
FAIRY GODMOTHER:
The teeth became the Orkney islands, and Shetland and the Faroes.
(Music)
FAIRY GODMOTHER:
Its forked tongue hit the land and left a great big dent between Sweden and Finland
(Music)
HANSEL:
And after that it went back into the depths of the ocean and was never seen again
(WAVES exit)
FAIRY GODMOTHER:
Some say that far up north you can still see smoke and feel the heat of its liver burning
HANSEL:
But others say that’s the volcanoes of Iceland
FAIRY GODMOTHER:
I think the Stoorworm swam north to cool itself down, and was encased in the ice of the Arctic.
GRETA/ASSIPATTLE:
In any case, the Stoorworm was never seen again. But it’s there. Somewhere. And when it stirs again …
HANSEL:
Yes, when the ice thaws and sets it free
(HANSEL and GRETA look at one another)
GRETA and HANSEL:
We’d better get going! Thank you, Fairy Godmother!
FAIRY GODMOTHER:
Any time, sweeties!
(FAIRY GODMOTHER begins to exit)
(FAIRY GODMOTHER notices the audience)
SCENE 5: Sweetie intermesso
(Front of tabs)
FAIRY GODMOTHER (to audience):
What is it? What are you waiting for?
Oh yes, I did mention sweeties, didn’t I.
Sigh. Alright, then. I suppose it’s customary. But it’s not good for your teeth!
(FAIRY GODMOTHER pulls out basket of sweeties)
(BEE enters, with as many other BEES as desired)
BEE:
Bzzzz? Sweeties?
BEES:
Sweetiezzzzz? Sweetiezzzzz?
(BEES swarm around FAIRY GODMOTHER’s basket and zoom out to all children in the audience with sweeties)
FAIRY GODMOTHER:
Bye, everyone! It’s time for Hansel and Greta to rely on themselves!
( FAIRY GODMOTHER exits with BEES behind her, but BEE stays)
SCENE 6: The Bee
(Front of tabs) (Quiet)
GRETA (deep in thought):
So I guess the reason the Stoorworm is stirring now is that people have messed so much with this planet that the ice cap is melting … and with that comes Ragnarok.
BEE:
Bzzzz?
HANSEL:
What are you doing here, bee?
BEE:
Bzzzzzz.
HANSEL:
You’re on the run?
BEE:
Bzzz.
Bz bz bz bz
HANSEL:
From pesticides?
BEE:
Bzzzz.
HANSEL:
You can come with us. We are on our way to the North Pole to find the Stoorworm.
BEE:
Bzzzz?
HANSEL:
Yes, really.
BEE:
Bzzzz zzz!
HANSEL:
Come on, Greta! Let’s go!
GRETA (who was deep in thought):
What, where?
HANSEL:
We’re going north, and Bee coming with us. Are you scared, Greta?
GRETA:
Never!
Scene 7: Deep, dark wood
(Tabs open to reveal a «deep, dark wood» type of scene.)
(Scenery: At the back is a wall, under construction, built of folders, forms, etc. Trolls are working on the construction, including RUMP and TORIS. Working to the rhythm of the music – opportunity for choreography)
(A signpost reads: «Warning: You are now leaving the European Union.») (Music: Pink Floyd again, «another brick in the Wall»)
RUMP (hums while he’s working):
… all in all you’re just another brick in the wall …
RUMP:
I tell ya, this is the best wall that’s ever built! The greatest! We have a very talented team. It’s going extremely well! —who knows what that means because it only matters if we get it done, but we are very much working very closely with the UK and Prime Minister Toris here who I respect a lot, very good relationship that we have. And we are a lot closer than we ever were in this country with having a real wall. They say walls don’t work. Walls work 100 percent. Whether it’s El Paso—or in cyberspace.
(TORIS applauds)
RUMP:
Thank you, Toris. Thank you very much, everyone. Thank you, thank you.
TORIS:
Good speech, well said. A concrete wall, a cyber-firewall, a wall of bureaucracy … they all keep
unwanted elements out.
TORIS and RUMP sing:
All in all you’re just another brick in the wall! All in all you’re just another brick in the wall! (Music ends)
(GRETA, HANSEL and BEE enter)
HANSEL:
I’m scared. I don’t know where we are. Are we even on Earth anymore? It’s so strange here …
GRETA:
Don’t be afraid, Hansel. We can always follow the breadcrumb trail.
(They walk a bit further)
GRETA (reads):
«Warning: You are now leaving the European Union.»
HANSEL:
Oh no! We’re not!
GRETA:
Yes, we are! It says here!
HANSEL:
Oh no, we’re not!
GRETA:
Oh yes, we are!
(Audience gets involved in «oh no, we’re not», «Oh yes, we are» etc.)
(Music: Dramatic chord )
TORIS (who has by now spotted Greta and Hansel): Oh yes, you are! Whether you like it or not!!!
(HANSEL and GRETA scream)
(BEE is further away, and the trolls have not seen him)
(TORIS grips GRETA and HANSEL by the neck)
TORIS:
Hahaha! Who have we got here?
GRETA:
Greta, and I’m not afraid of you!
HANSEL:
But I am! Fairy Godmother! Help!!!!
(GINGERBREAD WITCH appears)
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
Aha! Were you not listening? You’re on your own now! Relying on yourselves. Hahahah!
AUDIENCE:
Booo!
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
Oh shush. Yes. This is another part of my evil empire.
GRETA:
Where are we?
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
In a dark corner of the internet, of course. Where the trolls hang out. Did you think it was the
Russians that fixed the American election? No, sir. It was me. I’m a hacker, too.
AUDIENCE:
Boooo!!!
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
You’ve met my bad girls, who I trained to want it all. Let me also introduce you to my bad boys, who I’ve led to think everything is for sale - for the right price. Toris! Rump!
GRETA:
Grrrrrr!!!! You’re stealing our future!! You’re stealing our future!!!!!
RUMP, TORIS and GINGERBREAD WITCH sing Bad Boys by Inner Circle:
Bad boys, bad boys
Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do
When they come for you
Bad boys, bad boys
Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do
When they come for you
You chuck it on that one You chuck it on this one
You chuck it on your mother and You chuck it on your father
You chuck it on your brother and You chuck it on your sister
You chuck it on that one and You chuck it on them
Bad boys, bad boys
Whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do
When they come for you
HANSEL:
Oh, what are we gonna do?? They’re coming for us!
GRETA:
Don’t be silly, Hansel!
HANSEL:
Help! Help!
GRETA:
You heard them: We’re on the internet. All we need is the right bug to bring down their firewall and mess up their programmes.
BEE (who has been hiding in the background): Bzz?
HANSEL:
Bug?
GRETA:
Yes, bug!
(BEE flies forward)
BEE:
Bzzzzzzz! (Whistles very loudly to call the swarm)
(The other BEES suddenly come swarming in. )
GRETA:
The bees! Of course! Get them, bees!
HANSEL:
Get them!
(BEES swarm around GINGERBREAD WITCH, RUMP and TORIS and chase them in a slapstick sequence.)
(PRINCESSES enter, front of stage as we are seeing what’s happening in their location at the same
time)
CINDERELLA:
There’s something wrong here! All the shopping sites are down.
SNOW WHITE:
Everything is down! It won’t let me book the flights for my spa&beauty weekend in New York.
REPORTER:
Chaos reigns in Calais, where 3500 lorries have so far been unable to cross the English Channel due to a failure in the customs computer system. At Gatwick and other major airports, planes are grounded as the air traffic control systems fail. The police is currently investigating these events as a cyber attack. So far Prime Minister Toris Bunsen has been unavailable for comment.
Excuse me – I have a message coming through …
Yes, we have just now received a message that the environmentalist group Extinction Rebellion may be behind it. Nosey Parker, BBC News.
(BEES chase everyone off stage except HANSEL and GRETA. BEE comes back.)
GRETA:
Thank you, Bee. That was brilliant!
BEE:
Bzzz!
HANSEL:
You were great!
BEE:
Bzz bzzz
HANSEL:
You’re going?
BEE:
Bz.
HANSEL:
Bye bye, bee. I’ll never forget what you did.
(BEE exits. Joins the last departing bees.)
HANSEL:
How do we get out of the internet and back to Earth?
GRETA:
We follow the breadcrumb trail. Let’s go!
Scene 8: North Pole Jokes
(Front of tabs)
(Music: Cold, glittery, frosty ambiance)
HANSEL:
Hey, Greta! Have you heard this one? Why is the North Pole always so wet? Because of rain, dear.
GRETA:
That’s not funny! It’s not supposed to rain here. It’s meant to snow!
HANSEL:
But you don’t get it. Rain, dear. Reindeer! Okay, okay. How about this one, then? Why doesn't Santa have any millennial elves?
Because there are already enough snowflakes at the North Pole.
GRETA:
The North Pole is melting, and you’re making jokes about it?!
HANSEL:
Right, right. But how about this: If we hold the North Pole and South Pole down simultaneously for three seconds, it'll automatically restore to factory settings.
GRETA:
Aaaargh!!!!
(Mild chase)
HANSEL:
I think we’re nearly there now. I felt something rumble.
GRETA:
At the last of the ice cap.
(Music: Glittery, frosty ambiance continues)
GRETA:
Yes. There it is …
Scene 9: North Pole encounter with Stoorworm
(WAVES enter. Some can also be ICE )
WAVES and ICE continue 1st Atheist Hymn by Kate Fletcher, merging into Stoorworm Song: Of iceberg, frost and snow
Of iceberg, frost and snow
Of iceberg, frost and snow the Earth is made
Iceberg, iceberg, frost and snow
I am iceberg. You are iceberg. We are frost and snow.
(Tabs open slowly)
Deep
Deep
Shake the Earth
Stir the waves
Tremble
Deep
Deep
Ocean dark
Moon and stars
Tremble
Stirs the dragon, deep
Twists, no more asleep
Listen, let him speak
Tremble
GRETA:
Stoorworm?
DEEP VOICE:
I hear you
GRETA:
Eh, Stoorworm, it’s Hansel and Greta. We have come to find you.
DEEP VOICE:
I am here.
GRETA:
You … are awake. Um. You know all the heat waves, droughts and floods lately. They say you have done it. That you are bringing Ragnarok. (Pause) But that’s not right, is it?
DEEP VOICE
No
GRETA:
We have done that ourselves, haven’t we. And you’re a victim, like the rest. Can you help us, Stoorworm?
DEEP VOICE:
Call me Pelamis.
GRETA:
Pelamis. Is that your real name? It’s beautiful.
Pelamis. For way too long, the politicians and the people in power have gotten away with not doing anything to fight the climate crisis, but we will make sure that they will not get away with it any longer. Won’t we, Pelamis?
Some people say that the climate crisis is something that we all have created. But that is just another convenient lie. Because if everyone is guilty then no one is to blame. And someone is to blame. Some people – some companies and some decision-makers in particular – have known exactly what priceless values they are sacrificing to continue making unimaginable amounts of money.
Pelamis – Can you help us change that?
GRETA, HANSEL, WAVES, ICE:
Deep
Deep
Shake the Earth
Stir the waves
Tremble
Deep
Deep
Ocean dark
Moon and stars
Tremble
Pelamis the deep
Is no more asleep
Politicians weak
Tremble
Scene 10: The revolution
(Front of tabs)
(SNOW WHITE is alone, eyes fixed on her phone)
SNOW WHITE:
Who’s this new influencer? Her tweets have been shared millions of times. Greta … I think I’ve heard of her. She’s got some good points …
(CINDERELLA enters in a temper, GINGERBREAD WITCH, JASMIN and the other PRINCESSES following)
(CINDERELLA pulls the shoes of her feet and throws them)
CINDERELLA:
And you can take the stupid glass slippers!! I have been under your spell long enough!
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
But darling …
SNOW WHITE (calmer):
You know, she’s right! All these beauty treatments just make me feel ugly! And Greta is right, we can’t go on like this.
JASMIN:
I’m going to vote for better politicians!
CINDERELLA:
Me too!
(DAME enters)
DAME:
Princesses! Are you ready for the photo shoot?
ALL PRINCESSES:
Nooo!!!!
CINDERELLA:
I’m never going on the catwalk again! I’ve had enough! I’ve just read that clothing causes 850 million tonnes of carbon emissions a year! I don’t need those new shoes!
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
But I’m a member of the Green Party …
SNOW WHITE:
Since when?
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
Since … this morning …
CINDERELLA:
The Green Party is not a party where the guests wear green dresses!
(GINGERBREAD WITCH looks down at her green dress)
GINGERBREAD WITCH:
Is it not?
DAME:
This is fun. I want to join in, too. What are we doing?
ALL PRINCESSES:
Saving the world!!!!!
(All PRINCESSES chase GINGERBREAD WITCH off the stage)
(HANSEL and GRETA enter)
GRETA:
Wow … Looks like the revolution has begun! One down … (sighs) many still to go.
SNOW WHITE:
Greta!! You’re my hero!
GRETA (dryly):
If you’re going to follow me on Snapchat, you’d better mean it for real. Not just re-tweet me and book a flight to New York the next moment.
SNOW WHITE:
Of course not … I … I’m done with all that. I think.
CINDERELLA:
Me too. I’m going to use my blog to help you, Greta.
GRETA:
Will you help me get everyone onboard to bring down the politicians and companies that are destroying the world?
ALL PRINCESSES:
Yes!
GRETA:
Okay, then. You’re in!
HANSEL:
Is this when I get to marry the princess?
ALL PRINCESSES:
No!!!!!
CINDERELLA:
We’re busy with more important stuff!
GRETA:
Here! Take a placard!
(GRETA hands out placards to everyone) Now, sing!
ALL sing Heal the World, by Michael Jackson:
There's a place in your heart
And I know that it is love
And this place could be much
Brighter than tomorrow
And if you really try
You'll find there's no need to cry
In this place you'll feel
There's no hurt or sorrow
There are ways to get there
If you care enough for the living
Make a little space
Make a better place
Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make it a better place
For you and for me
And the dream we were conceived in
Will reveal a joyful face
And the world we once believed in
Will shine again in grace
Then why do we keep strangling life
Wound this earth, crucify its soul
Though it's plain to see
This world is heavenly
Be God's glow
We could fly so high
Let our spirits never die
In my heart I feel you are all my brothers
Create a world with no fear
Together we cry happy tears
See the nations turn their swords into plowshares
We could really get there
If you cared enough for the living
Make a little space
To make a better place
Heal the world
Make it a better place For you and for me
And the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place for you and for me
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place for you and for me
You and for me You and for me
GRETA and HANSEL:
Heal the world we live in
Save it for the children
Heal the world we live in
Save it for the children
DEEP VOICE:
Merry Christmas!
(Music: Cheesy modulation)
ALL:
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
And a happy New Year!
We wish you a greener future
We wish you a greener future
We wish you a greener future
And a happy new world!
Good tidings we bring to you and your kin
We wish you a greener future and a happy new world!
WALKDOWN:
We won’t go until we get it
We won’t go until we get it
We won’t go until we get it
So bring it right here
Good tidings we bring to you and your kin
We wish you a greener future
and a happy new world!
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
Ahhhhh ahhhh Ahhhhh ahhhh Ahhhhh ahhhh
(RUMP and BORIS are chased on by bees – they bow and run away,
screaming)
All:
And a haaaaaappy Neeeeeew Yeaaaaaaaar!
THE END
Mermaid image (Rhonda's pages) and storyteller image (Tom's pages), and all other illustrations except where noted are here by the courtesy of our dear friend - Stromness author, artist and historian, Bryce Wilson MBE, who owns all copyrights. Thanks, Bryce!